You might be a redneck if 38

You might be a redneck if… A policeman asks for your ID, and you answer, “About what?” You wake up with chocolate in your ears after spending the night in a fine hotel. Your neighbor spits grass when he talks. In the delivery room, your husband says,”That’s worse than skinning a deer!” You have sworn on your mother’s grave while she is standing beside you. You refer to your cousin as “my girlfriend”. You wake up the day after your wedding to find your sister next to you. You got your tater gun hangin’ over your couch in your living room as a conversation piece. You’ve ever entered yourself in a “Howdy Doody Look-alike” Contest. Your lips move while reading a stop sign.