You might be a redneck if 35

You might be a redneck if… You smoke during your deer hunt after scent-proofing yourself all month. A tornado goes through your trailer’s yard and makes it look neater. You’ve got to shuck your toilet paper before you use it. You have an autographed picture of Bob Barker in your wallet. You think “Meals on Wheels” is another name for roadkill. You shot your own 12 point coat rack. You’ve been to the emergency room more than 3 times for mashing the wrong end of a thumb tack. The number of times you’ve seen either Elvis or a UFO exceeds your I.Q. Any of your neighbors has ever spent Halloween night at the bottom of a hole because you moved their outhouse back about four feet. You’ve ever lost a dog to a bush hog.