The Adventures of Bill Clinton

It’s Friday night and President Bill is working late in the White House. Suddenly the big, red telephone on his desk rings. [President Bill] Hello! Hello! [Voice on the line] President Bill! We have a report that Boris Yeltsin just ordered the launch of all Russian missiles in a full-scale nuclear attack against the United States! [President Bill] Oh no!!! He said he wouldn’t do that! That dirty, rotten jerk! Bill slams the phone down. He goes the receiver back in the red telephone’s cradle. President Bill grabs the briefcase next to his desk, whirls the combination locks, flings open the lid, and jabs in a series of top-secret access codes. A voice comes over the briefcase speaker. [Voice on the line] Mr. President, is this a drill? [President Bill] Listen to me. We’re being attacked by the Russians. Launch a full-scale response immediately. [Voice on the line] Are you sure, sir? [President Bill] Yes!!! Fire the missiles!!! Fire the missiles now!!! [Voice on the line] OK Sir, we’re launching them this minute. [President Bill] Thank you, son! The speaker goes silent and President Bill collapses in his chair. Suddenly, an aid flings open the door and bursts into the room. [Aid] Hey Bill! Neat joke, huh? Sounded real, didn’t it? Attacked by the Russians! What a gag! Hey, you want something from the kitchen, Bill? How about a pizza or something? Say Bill, are you OK? You look kind of pale. You OK Bill? Bill???