Daily Joke Blog » woman

An Orgasmic Problem

Wed, 23 Feb 2011 14:57:06 +0000

A woman went in to see a therapist and said, “I’ve got a big problem, doctor. Every time we’re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out an outrageous yell.” “My dear,” the doctor said, “that’s completely natural. I don’t see what the problem is.” “The problem is,” she complained, “he keeps waking me up!”

An Orgasmic Problem is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Picking up chicks

Tue, 08 Feb 2011 18:34:58 +0000

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck. Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women you ever saw. Disheartened by all this, the good looking man asks the barman, ‘Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women – what’s his secret?’ He stops and thinks, then he adds, ‘He’s as ugly as sin and I’m everything a girl could want but have not been able to connect all night – What’s going on?’ ‘Well,’ Said the Barman, ‘I don’t know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows…’

Picking up chicks is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Professions

Mon, 20 Dec 2010 14:01:42 +0000

Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions. The first guy says ” I’m a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know… Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.” The second guy says “I’m a D.I.N.K, you know… Double Income, No Kids.” The third guy says, ” I’m a R.U.B, you know… Rich, Urban, Biker.” They turn to the woman and ask her, ” What are you? ” She replies: ” I’m a WIFE, you know… Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.”

Professions is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

The Best Way to Insult a Loser

Fri, 10 Dec 2010 15:45:50 +0000

A woman who is tired of having a guy hit on her says, “Look … I’m sorry, but I’m just not your type. I’m not inflatable”The Best Way to Insult a Loser is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

The Best Way to Insult a Loser is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Yahoo

Wed, 08 Dec 2010 15:34:04 +0000

An attractive woman from New York is driving through a remote part of Texas when her car breaks down. A few minutes later, an Indian on horseback comes along and offers her a ride to a nearby town. She climbs up behind him on the horse and they ride off. Every few minutes, the Indian lets out a whoop so loud that it echoes from the surrounding hills. When they arrive in town, he lets her off at a service station and yells one final “Yahoo!” before riding off. “What did you do to get that Indian so excited?” the service-station attendant asks. “Nothing,” she says, “I just sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist and held on to his saddle horn so I wouldn’t fall off.” “Lady,” the attendant says, “Indians ride bareback.”

Yahoo is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Like a Woman

Mon, 08 Nov 2010 15:22:49 +0000

On a Trans-Atlantic Flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it! Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. “I’m too young to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I’ve had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I’ve had it! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?” For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. “I can make you feel like a woman,” he says. He’s drop-dead gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: “Here, iron this.”

Like a Woman is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Bar Chatup

Tue, 26 Oct 2010 16:26:23 +0000

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?” To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.” To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200!!!”

Bar Chatup is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

I just had a dream about it

Tue, 19 Oct 2010 14:38:10 +0000

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight.” he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it–only to find a book entitled “The meaning of dreams”.

I just had a dream about it is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Baby Hermaphrodite

Thu, 07 Oct 2010 15:56:39 +0000

A woman gives birth to a baby and afterward the doctor comes into the room and says, “I have something to tell you about your child..” The woman slowly sits up with a worried look on her face and says, “What’s wrong with it?” The doctor says, “There’s nothing really wrong with it, it’s just a little different! It’s a hermaphrodite.” The woman looks confused. “A hermaphrodite, what’s that?” The doctor replies, “It has both features of a male and a female.” The woman looks relieved. “What? You mean it has a penis AND a brain?”

Baby Hermaphrodite is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Difference Between Man and Woman Showering

Mon, 27 Sep 2010 15:24:39 +0000

How to Shower Like a Woman 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror – make mental note to do more sit-ups 4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. 5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. 6. Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean. 7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 10. Rinse conditioner off hair. 11. Shave armpits and legs. 12. Turn off shower. 13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. 14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. 15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs. 16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. 17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. How To Shower Like a Man 1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. 2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the ‘woo-woo’ sound. 3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your a**. 4. Get in the shower. 5. Wash your face 6. Wash your armpits. 7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. 8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower. 9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. 10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. 11. Shampoo your hair. 12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. 13. Pee. 14. Rinse off and get out of shower. 15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. 16. Admire wiener size in mirror again. 17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. 18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the ‘woo-woo’ sound again. 19. Throw wet towel on bed.

Difference Between Man and Woman Showering is a post from: Daily Joke Blog