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The Police Officer’s Christmas

Tue, 25 May 2010 14:58:56 +0000

Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the substation, Not a deputy stirred, they were all on vacation. The stockings were hung on the wall with great care, Next to some T-shirts and old underwear. I was working the night shift compiling stats, Answering the phone, and feeding the rat. When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter, I leapt from my desk to see what was the matter! I opened the door with a creak and a crick, And saw a jolly red fat man I knew must be St. Nick. I had seen his picture a time or two, He was wanted: Article 27 – Section 342. I threw open the door and commanded him “Freeze!” “Put your hands on you head and get down on your knees.” But he turned and he ran, up the chimney he flew, With me in pursuit, toward Booth St. I knew. When we got to the roof Santa made for his sleigh, Throwing down toys and blocking my way. As I got to the peak, he threw down some crack, I slipped and I fell landing flat on my back. To my front I was faced with a toy M-1 tank, And Pink Power Rangers covering my flank. “On Dasher, on Dancer!”, he cried loud and clear. Then I got off three rounds and dropped the lead deer. And I heard Santa say as he sailed into the blue, “Merry Christmas to all! My Lawyers will sue!”

The Police Officer’s Christmas is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

The Christmas diet song

Thu, 13 May 2010 14:56:48 +0000

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips. Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there. While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps had just settled down to sugar-borne naps. When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash tore open the icebox then threw up the sash. The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow sent thoughts of a binge to my body below. When what to my wandering eyes should appear: a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer! That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick I knew in a second that I’d wind up sick. The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear; On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS a Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox. From the top of the scales to the top of the hall now dash away pounds now dash away all. Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress my clothes were all bulging from too much excess. My droll little mouth and my round little belly they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly. I spoke not a word but went straight to my work ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk. And laying a finger beside my heartburn I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned. I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry if temptation’s removed I’ll get thin by and by. And I mumbled again as I turned for the night in the morning I’ll starve . . . ’til I take that first bite.

The Christmas diet song is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Programmer’s drinking song

Wed, 20 Jan 2010 15:32:06 +0000

99 little bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code, Fix one bug, compile it again, 101 little bugs in the code. 101 little bugs in the code, 101 bugs in the code, Fix one bug, compile it again, 103 little bugs in the code.Programmer’s drinking song is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Programmer’s drinking song is a post from: Daily Joke Blog