BUSH LEGAL TEAM SUES SANTA CLAUS By S. Artist Reuters AUSTIN, TX (Dec. 4) – Attorneys for Texas Governor George W. Bush filed suit in federal court today, seeking to prevent Santa Claus from making his list and then checking it twice. The complaint seeks an immediate injunction against the beloved Christmas icon, asking the [...]
Dear Santa, How are you doing? I hope you’ve had a successful year and have come up with a lot of interesting toys. It’s really neat how you’re able to do that year after year. I guess that’s how you stay number one in the Christmas presents business business. Actually, I admire the way you [...]
With the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus’s sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve. The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good, he checks the harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and [...]
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips. Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there. While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps had just settled down to sugar-borne naps. [...]
Department Store Santa Peeves 8. Kids who refuse to believe that it’s fruitcake on your breath and not gin. 7. When the last guy to use the beard leaves bits of his lunch in it. 6. Even with the costume, people recognizing you from “Crime Watch” 5. Parents who get all uptight when you offer [...]
8. Kid’s letter to north pole comes back stamped, “Dream on, Chester!” 7. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes 6. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling. 5. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left is foam packing. 4. Christmas day, your kid [...]
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” The kid says, “Yeah.” The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to [...]
‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck… How to live in a world that’s politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to “Elves“, “Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves. And labor conditions at the north pole Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, [...]
NORTH POLE (API) – MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa’s summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of [...]
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