Daily Joke Blog » priest

Nuns Confessional

Thu, 31 Mar 2011 17:00:00 +0000

Four nuns are standing in line for confession. The first nun goes into the confessional and says bless me father for I have sinned I touched a man’s private parts. The priest asks, “What part of your body did you use?” The nun replies, “My right hand.” The priest tells her to dip her right hand in holy water say 10 hail Mary’s and all will be forgiven. The second nun goes into the confessional and says, “Bless me father for I have sinned I touched a mans private parts.” The priest asks, “What part of your body did you use?” The nun replies, “My left hand.” The priest tells her to dip her left hand in the holy water say 10 hail Mary’s and all will be forgiven. Well, this leaves the third and fourth nun standing in line. The fourth nun taps the third nun on the shoulder and asks, “Would you mind if I went first?” The third nun says, “Sure I don’t care, but would mind telling me why?” The fourth nun replies, “Well, I would like to drink the water before you have to sit in it!”

Nuns Confessional is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Drunk and Arthritis

Tue, 18 Jan 2011 14:59:52 +0000

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk’s shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, “Father, what causes arthritis?” “It’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man,” the priest replied. “Imagine that”, the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?” “I don’t have arthritis, Father,” the drunk said, “but I just read in the paper that the Pope does.”

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Taxi driver in Heaven

Wed, 05 Jan 2011 14:41:44 +0000

A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them. ‘Come with me’, said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool. ‘Wow, thank you’, said the taxi driver. Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set. ‘Wait, I think you are a little mixed up’, said the priest. ‘Shouldn’t I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God’s word.’ ‘Yes, that’s true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.’

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What has caused it?

Sat, 25 Dec 2010 00:50:04 +0000

A drunk man who smelled like a beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was smeared with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began to read. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked ‘Say Father, what causes arthritis?’ The priest replies ‘My son, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol and comtempt for your fellow man’ ‘Well I’ll be darned’ the drunk muttered, returning to his newspaper. The priest thinking about what he said, nudged the drunk and apologised. ‘I’m sorry to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?’ ‘I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.’

What has caused it? is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Learning information

Wed, 15 Dec 2010 15:10:17 +0000

Pat and Mike were walking down the street, when they came to the church, Pat says, ‘Mike, you wait here, I’m going to run in for confession, it’s been a long time’. Pat enters the confessional and says,’ Father forgive me, I have sinned with a married woman’. The priest asks, ‘was it Mrs Murphy’? ‘no, Father’, was the reply. ‘Was it Mrs O’Boyle’? Again the reply was ‘No, Father’. ‘Was it Mrs. O’Grady’? Pat said, Father, I’ll not be teling you the lady’s name! So the priest told him to say two Hail Mary’s for each time he had sinned with the woman. Back on the street, Mike said, ‘Well, how did you do’? Pat said, ‘Just fine, I kept me mouth shut and got 3 new prospects’!

Learning information is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Getting a Promotion

Fri, 10 Sep 2010 15:27:14 +0000

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion. “What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?” asked the Rabbi. “Well, I’m next in line for the Monsignor’s job.” replied the Priest. “Yes, and then what?” asked the Rabbi. “Well, next I can become Arch-Bishop.” said the Priest. “Yes, and then?” asked the Rabbi. “If I work real hard and do a good job as Arch-Bishop, it’s possible for me to become a full Bishop.” said the Priest. “O.K., then what?” asked the Rabbi. The Priest, begining to get a bit exasperated replied, “With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal.” “And then?” asked the Rabbi. The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, “With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I’m in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope.” “Yes, and then what?” asked the Rabbi. “Good grief!” shouted the Priest. “What do you expect me to become, GOD?” “Well,” said the Rabbi, “One of our boys made it!”

Getting a Promotion is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Have as many as you like!

Mon, 19 Jul 2010 14:59:43 +0000

“Good Day Mrs. Smith. I just thought I would drop by and see how your are doing.” The woman says, “Oh just fine Father, come on in and we’ll have some tea.” While sitting at the coffee table, the priest notices a bowl of almonds on the table. “Mind if I have one?” the priest says. “Not at all, have as many as you like”. After a few hours the priest looks at his watch and alarmed at how long he has been visiting says to Mrs. Smith, “Oh my goodness, look at the time. I must be going. Oh but dear me I have eaten all your almonds. I’ll have to replace them next time I visit.” To which Mrs. Smith replied, “Oh don’t bother Father. Ever since I lost all my teeth, it’s all I can do just to lick the chocolate off them.”

Have as many as you like! is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Taxi driver in Heaven

Wed, 09 Jun 2010 16:17:47 +0000

Taxi driver in Heaven is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

What has caused it?

Fri, 28 May 2010 15:33:27 +0000

What has caused it? is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Car just broke down

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 13:00:27 +0000

A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel in the town has only one room available. Priest: Sister, I don’t think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I’ll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed. Nun: I think that would be okay. They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later… Nun: Father, I’m terribly cold. Priest: Okay, I’ll get you a blanket. (He does) Ten minutes later… Nun: Father, I’m still terribly cold. Priest: Okay Sister, I’ll get you another blanket. (He does) Ten minutes later… Nun: Father, I’m still terribly cold. I don’t think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night. Priest: You’re probably right…get up and get your own blanket.

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