One of the best examples of how ridiculous government paperwork can be is illustrated by a recent case in Louisiana. A company president was trying to buy some land in Louisiana for a plant expansion, and he wanted to finance this new facility with a government loan. His lawyer filled out all the necessary forms, [...]
Difference Between a Bad *President* and a Bad *Precedent* … BAD *PRECEDENT: Tipper: “How does it feel to be the big man, Hon?” Al: “Well Tip, it took 17 lawsuits and 18 months of election recounts, but I’d do it all again.” … BAD *PRESIDENT: Mr. Bush, repeat after me. I do solemnly swear – [...]
Bush and His Running Mate Now that it seems almost a certainty that George W. Bush will become the Republican nominee for President, attention will soon focus upon whom Governor Bush will pick for his Vice Presidential running mate. It is rumored that one of the names on the ‘short list’ currently being floated in [...]
Tired of his low approval ratings, President Clinton called up the head of the CIA and said, “I want your very best agent over here first thing in the morning.” Moments later, a call went out to the Middle East, and the most gifted American agent was headed back to Washington. The next morning, the [...]
“We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.” – Vice President Al Gore, 9/22/97 “For NASA, space is still a high priority.” – Vice President Al Gore, 9/5/93 “Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.” – Vice President Al Gore “The Holocaust was an obscene period [...]
My four year old and I were discussing holidays, and I asked him, “What is the day which comes after Halloween when you have turkey?” My husband quickly answered, “Election day.” The American myth is that every boy can grow up to be President. The Bush reality now is that the boy doesn’t have to [...]
President Clinton, speaking in private with his advisor on public favor, told him that the planned invasion of Haiti will be the most unpopular thing that he has ever done as the President of the United States. “Actually, sir, according to our research, the most unpopular thing you’ve ever done was to be inaugurated as [...]
President Clinton is shaking hands with the voters after being elected for the second time. “Pleased to meet you,” says one old man, “I’ve heard a lot about you in the past few years.” Clinton laughs: “You can’t prove any of it!”
It’s Friday night and President Bill is working late in the White House. Suddenly the big, red telephone on his desk rings. [President Bill] Hello! Hello! [Voice on the line] President Bill! We have a report that Boris Yeltsin just ordered the launch of all Russian missiles in a full-scale nuclear attack against the United [...]
Did you hear that in response to President Bill Clinton’s habit of dropping in on the local McDonalds, the McDonald’s national management has announced a commemorative double cheeseburger, the McClinton? Of course, when you get it, the price has doubled, you never get the fries you were originally promised, and it’s got half the meat.
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