Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Eye Drops off Shelf Teacher Strikes Idle Kids British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66 Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash [...]
Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees Farmer Bill Dies in House Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Iraqi Head Seeks Arms Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Lung Cancer in [...]
“I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I’d get.” “I remember the time I was kidnaped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.” “My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the [...]
“Good crowd…good crowd. I’m telling you I could use a good crowd. I’m ok now but last week I was in rough shape… Why? I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.” “I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great Uncle fought for the west!” “My [...]
If you’re ever stuck in some thick undergrowth, in your underwear, don’t stop and think of what other words have ‘under’ in them, because that’s probably the first sign of jungle madness. Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle, [...]
Too bad there’s not such a thing as a golden skunk, because you’d probably be proud to be sprayed by one. To me, truth is not some vague, foggy notion. Truth is real. And, at the same time, unreal. Fiction and fact and everything in between, plus some things I can’t remember, all rolled into [...]
Martha says the interesting thing about fly fishing is that it’s two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Martha. Grow up. The old pool shooter has won many a game in his life. But now it was time to hang up the cue. When he did all the other cues came crashing to [...]
It you’re a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it’s real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you. Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on [...]
The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we’d all pile into the car – I forget what kind it was – and drive and drive. I’m not sure where we’d go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in [...]
You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he’s real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea. Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I’ll go over to the person’s house and ring the doorbell. When the [...]
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