What are the three questions most commonly asked by lawyers? 1. How much money do you have? 2. Where can you get more? 3. Do you have anything you can sell? Q: How many lawyer jokes are there? A: Only three. The balance are documented case histories. There’s an interesting new novel about two ex-convicts. [...]
Q: How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? A: Never enough. Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: How many can you afford? Q: Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer? A: You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you’d [...]
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? A: Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer points. Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist. Q: What’s the difference between a bankrupt attorney and a pigeon? A: The pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes. [...]
Q: When attorneys die, why do they bury them 600 feet underground? A: Because deep down, they’re really nice guys. Q: If you drop a snake and an attorney off the Empire State Building, which one hits first? A: Who cares? Q: How can you tell the difference between a dead skunk and a dead [...]
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there? A: Just two, all the rest are true. Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline. Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can’t [...]
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer’s club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape. “It ain’t so bad,” one crook noted. “We got $25 between us.” The boss screamed: “I warned you to stay clear of lawyers–we [...]
Two lawyers met at a cocktail party late one night. “How’s business?” asked the first. “Rotten,” replied the other. “Yesterday, I chased an ambulance for twenty miles. When I finally caught up to it, there were already two other lawyer hanging on to the bumper.”
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers [...]
The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were going to start using lawyers instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the American Bar Association was outraged and filed suit. Yet, the NIH presented some very good reasons for the switch. 1. The lab assistants were becoming very attached to their little [...]
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