One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, “Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?” The student replied, “Here’s an orange.” The professor was livid. “No! No! Think like a lawyer!” The student then recited, “Okay, I’d tell him, ‘I hereby [...]
Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense. “You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?” The client replied that he did. Then lawyer then asked, “Do you know what will happen if you don’t tell the truth?” The client looked back and said, “I [...]
Have you seen the current remake of the movie “Cape Fear?” It’s about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer. The question is, while watching the movie, for whom do you root?
Jack and Mugs, two second-story men from Flatbush, were comparing notes on recent burglaries. “Didja get anything on that last heist?” Jack asked. “Nuttin’ at all,” Mugs admitted. “Toins out that the guy that lives there’s a lawyer.” “Jeez, ain’t that the breaks,” his friend sympathized. “Didja lose anything?”
Two prisoners are talking about their crimes: George: “I robbed a bank, and they gave me 20 years” Herman: “Hmm. I killed a man, and I’m here for 3 days” George: “*WHAT*??? I rob a bank and get 20 years; you kill a man and get 3 days???” Herman: “Yeah, it was a lawyer.”
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later [...]
“You seem to be in some distress,” said the kindly judge to the witness. “Is anything the matter?” “Well, your Honor,” said the witness, “I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects.”
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: “A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?” After a very [...]
How to Argue Effectively I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow [...]
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes [...]
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