SYSTEM CRASH (to the tune of “The Monster Mash”) I was working in the lab, late one night When my eyes beheld an eerie sight, Some smoke from our VAX began to rise And suddenly, to my surprise… [chorus](There was a crash) There was a system crash(A mighty crash) I heard the disk heads smash(A [...]
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR (The Times of London) Dear Sir, I am firmly opposed to the spread of microchips either to the home or to the office, We have more than enough of them foisted upon us in public places. They are a disgusting Americanism, and can only result in the farmers being forced to [...]
The checkout line at the hardware store was getting longer and longer as the clerk labored to get the new cash register to cooperate. At one point she wailed “Oh no, NOW what do I do ? It just rang up sixty-four thousand, five hundred seventy four dollars in sales tax on a ten-dollar sale!” [...]
Solitaire ’99 Here is the README.TXT file from Microsoft’s latest software product. Microsoft Solitaire ’98 README file, v4.3 Welcome! Congratulations! Welcome to the wonderful world of Microsoft Solitaire ’98! This classic game has been a Windows fixture for many years, and after a long period of development, we are pleased to announce that it has [...]
10. The monitor is up on blocks. 9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them. 8. The six front keys have rotted out. 7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them. 6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six. 5. The password is “Huntin”. 4. The CPU has a gun rack [...]
CORPORATE DIRECTIVE NUMBER 88-570471 In order to increase the security of all company computing facilities, and to avoid the possibility of unauthorized use of these facilities, new rules are being put into effect concerning the selection of passwords. All users of computing facilities are instructed to change their passwords to conform to these rules immediately. [...]
ORIGAMI Art of paper folding. In order to obtain a nice and effectiveness result, put the floppy in the disk drive after folding it several times in different directions. With a little luck, you should be able to get it jammed. Now, ask yourself. How can your disk get damaged if you can’t even get [...]
Redmond, WA — Microsoft Corporation chair, CEO and all-around babe magnet Bill Gates announced yesterday the introduction of a new product for Windows 95: Microsoft Panhandling. “The idea came to me the other day when a homeless man asked me for money,” recalls Gates. “I suddenly realized that we were missing a golden opportunity. Here [...]
My Dear Husband, I am sending you this letter via this BBS communications thing, so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your computer entered our lives TWO YEARS AGO. The children are doing well. Tommy [...]
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