Daily Joke Blog » bill gates

Ten things Bill Gates would like to change about the automotive industry

Fri, 26 Nov 2010 16:45:39 +0000

10. New seats would require everyone to have the same body size. 9. We’d all have to switch to Microsoft Gas. 8. The U.S. government would get subsidies from an automaker–a first. 7. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be replaced by a single “General Car Fault” warning light. 6. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar-powered, twice as reliable, five times as fast, but ran on only 5% of the roads. 5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car. 4. You could have only one person in the car at a time, unless you bought Car 95 or Car NT – but then you would have to buy more seats. 3. Occasionally your car would die for no apparent reason and you would have to restart it. Strangely, you would just accept this as normal. 2. Every time the lines on the road were repainted, you’d have to buy a new car. 1. People would get excited about the new features of Microsoft cars, forgetting that the same features had been available from other carmakers for years.

Ten things Bill Gates would like to change about the automotive industry is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Bill Gates can choose his punishment

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 16:35:43 +0000

Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, “Well Bill, I’m really confused on this one. It’s a tough decision; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows ’95 among other indiscretions. I believe I’ll do something I’ve never done before; I’ll let you decide where you want to go.” Bill pushed up his glasses, looked up at God and replied, “Could you briefly explain the difference between the two?” Looking slightly puzzled, God said, “Better yet, why don’t I let you visit both places briefly, then you can make your decision. Which do you choose to see first, Heaven or Hell?” Bill played with his pocket protector for a moment, then looked back at God and said, “I think I’ll try Hell first.” So, with a flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke, Bill Gates went to Hell. When he materialized in Hell, Bill looked around. It was a beautiful and clean place, a bit warm, with sandy beaches and tall mountains, clear skies, pristine water, and beautiful women frolicking about. A smile came across Bill’s face as he took in a deep breath of the clean air. “This is great,” he thought, “if this is Hell, I can’t wait to see heaven.” Within seconds of his thought, another flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke appeared, and Bill was off to Heaven. Heaven was a place high above the clouds, where angels were drifting about playing their harps and singing in a beautiful chorus. It was a very nice place, Bill thought, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill looked up, cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled for God and Bill Gates was sent to Hell for eternity. Time passed, and God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was progressing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill Gates shackled to a wall in a dark cave amid bone thin men and tongues of fire, being burned and tortured by demons. “So, how is everything going?” God asked. Bill responded with a crackling voice filled with anguish and disappointment, “This is awful! It’s nothing like the Hell I visited the first time!! I can’t believe this is happening! What happened to the other place….with the beaches and the mountains and the beautiful women? “That was the demo,” replied God.

Bill Gates can choose his punishment is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Bill Gates picks his own punishment

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 17:11:37 +0000

Satan greets him: “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked up forever.” Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill’s delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says “I’ll take this option.” “Fine,” says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. “That was Bill Gates!” cried Lucifer. “Why did you give him the best place of all!” “That’s what everyone thinks” snickered Satan. “The bottle has a hole in it!” “What about the PC?” “It’s got Windows 95!” laughed Satan. “And it’s missing three keys,” “Which three?” “Control, Alt and Delete.”

Bill Gates picks his own punishment is a post from: Daily Joke Blog