Daily Joke Blog » bible

Question and answer

Fri, 01 Oct 2010 14:06:14 +0000

Biblical Questions and Answers Q. Who was the greatest financieer in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet. Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married? A. Ruth-less. Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land. Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Honda…because the apostles were all in one Accord. Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. 2 Cor. 48 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle: “We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement.” Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down. Q. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible? A. In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out. Q. How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden? A. They were really put out. Q. What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out? A. They really raised Cain. Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home. Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible? A. David. He rocked Goliath to sleep. Q. Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot? A. The thought had never entered his head before. Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds. Q. What is the best way to get to Paradise? A. Turn right and go straight. Q. Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? A. Moses. Because he broke all 10 commandments; at once. Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A. The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing. Q. How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor? A. Because in Job 16:12 we read, “I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me.” Q. Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? A. When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.

Question and answer is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Religious One-Liners

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 15:25:03 +0000

Bumper Sticker: If all else fails read the instructions (The Bible)

Bumper Sticker: Prepare for your FINALS Read the Bible

Clara: My pastor is so good he can talk on any subject for an hour. Sarah: That’s nothing! My pastor can talk for an hour without a subject!

At an atheist funeral: Here lies an atheist, all dressed up and nowhere to go.

Religious One-Liners is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Question and answer

Wed, 30 Jun 2010 16:23:51 +0000

Q: Why do they say ‘Amen’ at the end of a prayer instead of ‘Awomen’? A: The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers! Q: Why didn’t Noah go fishing? A: He only had two worms! Q: When was the longest day in the Bible? A: The day Adam was created because there was no Eve. Q: Why did God create man before woman? A: He didn’t want any advice. Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A: A roamin’ Catholic! Doctor: ‘Your recovery was a miracle!’ Patient: ‘PRAISE GOD. Now I don’t have to pay you!’ Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years? A: Even then men wouldn’t ask for directions!

Question and answer is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Truly incredible dog

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 17:02:02 +0000

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course). That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little. The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn’t thought about ‘normal’ tricks. “Well,” they said, “let’s try this out.” Once more they called out to the dog, and then clearly pronounced the command, “Heel!” Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man’s forehead, closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.

Truly incredible dog is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

The strange Christmas scene

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 13:00:57 +0000

In a small southern town there was a “Nativity Scene” that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a “Quik Stop” on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, “You stupid Yankees never do read the Bible!” I assured her that I did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

The strange Christmas scene is a post from: Daily Joke Blog