Steven Wright 07

Ever notice how irons have a setting for *permanent* press?  I don’t get it… I have a microwave fireplace in my house . . . The other night I laid down in front of the fire for the evening in two minutes. My VCR flashes 01:35, 01:35, 01:35, . . . I have the oldest typewriter in the world.  It types in pencil. I couldn’t find the remote control to the remote control. I invented the cordless extension cord. Under my bed I have shoe box full of telephone rings.  Whenever I get lonely I open it up just a bit and I get a call.  One time I dropped the box all over the floor and the phone wouldn’t stop ringing, so I had it disconnected.  I bought a new phone though. I didn’t have much money so I had to buy an irregular phone–it had no number 5 on it. I saw a close friend of mine the other day…  He said, “Steven, why haven’t you called me?“  I said, “I can’t call everyone I want.  My new phone has no five on it.“  He said, “How long have you had it?“  I said, “I don’t know . . . My calendar has no sevens on it.” I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be.  I called someone.  They went “Aaaaahhhh...”