Steven Wright 05

I went to the cinema, and the prices were:  Adults $5.00, children $2.50.  So I said, “Give me two boys and a girl.” I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time.”  So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board.  You’d think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it. There’s a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air. I used to be a waiter, but I was fired for clearing tables.  I was clearing them for take off.  I had them all lined up outside.  People thought it was an outdoor cafe.  I said, “No, these are leaving at 3.”  They were going to fire me anyway, because I told them I thought they should put the wrapper on the inside of the straw since that’s the part you don’t want to get dirty. I went to a general store.  They wouldn’t let me buy anything specifically. Years ago, I worked in a natural, organic health food store in Seattle, Washington.  One day a man walked in and asked, “If I can melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?”  Two days later I was fired for eating cotton candy and drinking straight Bosco on the job. I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2×4 and a box of 3×5′s.  The clerk said, “ten-four.” I was in the grocery store.  I saw a sign that said “pet supplies.”  So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said “compact cars“…