You might be a redneck if… Your biggest ambition in live is to “git that big ole coon. The one what hangs ’round over yonder, back’ah Bubba’s barn…” Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them. Your grandfather completely executes the “pull my finger” trick at the family reunion. When you leave [...]
You might be a redneck if… Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard. Ya can’t get married to [...]
You might be a redneck if… You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. You go to your family reunion looking for a date. Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare. You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, “Gentlemen, start your [...]
You might be a redneck if… One of the options on your truck is a spitoon. The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. [...]
You might be a redneck if… A policeman asks for your ID, and you answer, “About what?” You wake up with chocolate in your ears after spending the night in a fine hotel. Your neighbor spits grass when he talks. In the delivery room, your husband says,”That’s worse than skinning a deer!” You have sworn [...]
You might be a redneck if… The directions to your bathroom include, “Go past the big oak and hang a left at the woodshed.” You’re in bed with your wife and you call out a name you gave to a coon you killed. You’ve ever been arrested for where you got your girlfriend roses. Your [...]
You might be a redneck if… You’ve ever been arrested for a DUI on a riding lawn mower. You keep your teeth and your goldfish in the same glass. On average, one out of every thirty words you use can be found in a dictionary. You think Motorola is a fancy name for a car [...]
You might be a redneck if… You smoke during your deer hunt after scent-proofing yourself all month. A tornado goes through your trailer’s yard and makes it look neater. You’ve got to shuck your toilet paper before you use it. You have an autographed picture of Bob Barker in your wallet. You think “Meals on [...]
You might be a redneck if… Smith and Wesson attended your wedding without an invitation and there was nothing you could do about it. When you hear someone talking about the king you don’t know whether they’re talking about Elvis or Richard Petty. You complain about the ban on assault weapons because it make half [...]
You might be a redneck if… You prefer the Sears catolog to Charmin. Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your I.Q. You think deer hunting should be an olympic sport. You have a set of 16 matching salad bowls, and they all say “Cool Whip” on the side. You have to call the police [...]
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