Daily Joke Blog » Redneck Jokes

You might be a redneck if 72

Wed, 13 Apr 2011 13:00:14 +0000

You might be a redneck if…

You can identify your friends by the sound of their muffler.
You think OFF is a fine smelling cologne.
You put a Clapper on your headlights.
You need a dictionary to spell your name.
You don’t change your socks until the first pair rots off.
People ask your wife when her baby’s due and she’s not pregnant.
Your driveway is two tire tracks with grass growing down the middle.
You’ve ever invited friends over to show off what’s left of the squirrel that you shot with your deer gun.
You have more tires in your yard than on your trucks.
The idea for the Budweiser frogs came from listening to you and your friends trying to read the label on the bottle.

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You might be a redneck if 71

Wed, 30 Mar 2011 18:54:40 +0000

You might be a redneck if… Any time your kids see a dog they get out their ropes and lasso it and tackle it to the ground. Your master bathroom has the words “porta” and “potty” written on the side. You can’t take a bath in the winter ’cause the stream is frozen. You only bathe when it rains. You think “Dueling Banjos” is classical music. You refer to the Surgeon General’s Warning on a pack of cigarettes as your medical encyclopedia. You go to garage sales to shop for Christmas gifts. You’re 42 and still have clowns come to your birthday party. You think ‘possum is the “other white meat”. Your husband spray paints the upholstery of your car to make it look new.

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You might be a redneck if 70

Mon, 21 Mar 2011 15:11:21 +0000

You might be a reneck if… You’ve ever given a set of Tupperware ice tea glasses as a wedding present. Your dungarees expose more than half of your crack in the back because the weight of your pocket knife. Your idea of heaven involves two shotguns and a keg of beer. You picket your horses on your lawn so you won’t have to mow it. You’re wearing a camoflauge jacket and dipping in your driver’s license pic. You stop to flirt with the person running the drive through at McDonalds. You save old kitchen appliances for target practice. You save old kitchen appliances for children’s Christmas presents. You get up EARLY on Saturday to go yard sale shopping for entertainment. Your gun cabinet takes up half your living room.

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You might be a redneck if 69

Wed, 09 Mar 2011 18:39:46 +0000

You might be a reneck if… You think the ATM machine is a giant, public calculator. Your favorite cologne smells like exhaust. The fire department leaves after discovering that the fire that destroyed y. You think its okay to have your 6 year old babysit your 5, 4, and 3 year o. Your dog’s shots are up to date but your children’s aren’t. You use the water in your toilet to bob for apples. Your whole family sleeps in the same bed. You consider your annual bath one too many. You wore a baseball cap to the opera. If you are 20 and you can still go in McDonald’s playhouse. If you think Purina is some kind of Ex-Lax.

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You might be a redneck if 68

Fri, 25 Feb 2011 16:22:41 +0000

You might be a redneck if… You can chew your own toenails. You’ve ever used an inner-tube patch on your jeans. You want the opening day of deer hunting season to be declared a national holiday. Someone knocks on your front door and your back door rattles. You let goldenrod grow in your yard because it looks so pretty. You’ve ever absent-mindedly nibbled on your live bait . . . and didn’t spit it out. Your best Sunday clothes include your John Deere baseball cap. You go to a wedding or any formal party and ask someone to pull your finger. Your friend tells you he went online last night, and you think he took a drunk driving test. Your mama has more tattoos than you do.

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You might be a redneck if 67

Tue, 15 Feb 2011 17:30:28 +0000

You might be a redneck if… You watch “The Dukes Of Hazzard” and have to find someone to explain it to you. Your mom kisses you goodnight and you go to school the next day and say you’ve met your future wife. When your wife walks in front of you it looks like two pigs fighting in a gunny sack. Your only excuse for smelling bad is it runs in the family. Your favorite fruit is chicken. You think those yellow traffic signs that say “Slow children at play” means the kids in the area are not too bright. At least one of the kitchen appliances on your front porch is more than forty years old. You think “Country & Western” covers both types of music. You’ve ever used a hangnail as a tooth pick.

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You might be a redneck if 66

Fri, 04 Feb 2011 15:54:42 +0000

You might be a redneck if… You have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in case you have mistaken it for your spit can. You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can. Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up. You see a forest fire and think ‘Bar-bee-Q’. You’ve ever strained your tea through a flyswatter. Your mother is hairier than your father. Instead of flossing you use a plunger. You take the back window out of your pick-up because it’s easier to chuck the empty beer cans in the back that way. When the back fills up with empty beer cans, you get another pick-up and start all over again. Your grandma can bench press a ruck axle.

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You might be a redneck if 65

Tue, 25 Jan 2011 15:00:39 +0000

You might be a redneck if… Your idea of good fishing involves the use of a boat, a net and dynamite. Burger King won’t let you do it your way, right away. You can remember the entire NASCAR series schedule but can’t remember your wives birthday, kids birthday, or anniversary. You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number but can’t remember how old your children are. Your idea of going to see a play involves goal posts. You think a computer hacker carries an axe. You keep a chainsaw in the trunk “just in case”. You’ve given your gun a woman’s name. Baling wire and a pair of pliers are what you consider high tech tools. You go to the post office to research your family tree.

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You might be a redneck if 64

Sat, 15 Jan 2011 01:00:13 +0000

You might be a redneck if… You pull up to a gas station in a limo to buy a can of Skoal. Your boyfriend gives you car parts for your birthday, and you like it. Coons get into everyone else’s trash but yours. When you say, “Let’s hit the hay,” you actually MEAN it. You can feed a family of five on ONE McDonald’s Extra Value Meal. Your kids LIKE the Arch Deluxe hamburger at McDonalds. You think the tobacco companies have done nothing wrong. You *have* a claw foot bathtub. You’ve ever been arrested for bootleggin’. You spell out NASCAR in Christmas lights.

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You might be a redneck if 63

Tue, 04 Jan 2011 17:04:24 +0000

You might be a redneck if… You just bought your family their lst Atari game system. You and your wife celebrate your anniversary at the K-mart cafeteria. You think the only tools “real men” need are duck tape and caulk, and you have successful repair projects to prove it. You’ve tried to quote Jeff Foxworthy and screwed it up. You name your car the General Lee. You see a sign that says “bridge out” and you try to jump it. You go to your local pet shop for a cat scan. Warp drive describes the condition of your car. Your smoke detector doubles as your dinner bell. You go to the dentist for a “Tooth Cleaning”.

You might be a redneck if 63 is a post from: Daily Joke Blog