You might be a redneck if… You can identify your friends by the sound of their muffler. You think OFF is a fine smelling cologne. You put a Clapper on your headlights. You need a dictionary to spell your name. You don’t change your socks until the first pair rots off. People ask your wife [...]
You might be a redneck if… Any time your kids see a dog they get out their ropes and lasso it and tackle it to the ground. Your master bathroom has the words “porta” and “potty” written on the side. You can’t take a bath in the winter ’cause the stream is frozen. You only [...]
You might be a reneck if… You’ve ever given a set of Tupperware ice tea glasses as a wedding present. Your dungarees expose more than half of your crack in the back because the weight of your pocket knife. Your idea of heaven involves two shotguns and a keg of beer. You picket your horses [...]
You might be a reneck if… You think the ATM machine is a giant, public calculator. Your favorite cologne smells like exhaust. The fire department leaves after discovering that the fire that destroyed y. You think its okay to have your 6 year old babysit your 5, 4, and 3 year o. Your dog’s shots [...]
You might be a redneck if… You can chew your own toenails. You’ve ever used an inner-tube patch on your jeans. You want the opening day of deer hunting season to be declared a national holiday. Someone knocks on your front door and your back door rattles. You let goldenrod grow in your yard because [...]
You might be a redneck if… You watch “The Dukes Of Hazzard” and have to find someone to explain it to you. Your mom kisses you goodnight and you go to school the next day and say you’ve met your future wife. When your wife walks in front of you it looks like two pigs [...]
You might be a redneck if… You have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in case you have mistaken it for your spit can. You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can. Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up. You see a [...]
You might be a redneck if… Your idea of good fishing involves the use of a boat, a net and dynamite. Burger King won’t let you do it your way, right away. You can remember the entire NASCAR series schedule but can’t remember your wives birthday, kids birthday, or anniversary. You can remember every NASCAR [...]
You might be a redneck if… You pull up to a gas station in a limo to buy a can of Skoal. Your boyfriend gives you car parts for your birthday, and you like it. Coons get into everyone else’s trash but yours. When you say, “Let’s hit the hay,” you actually MEAN it. You [...]
You might be a redneck if… You just bought your family their lst Atari game system. You and your wife celebrate your anniversary at the K-mart cafeteria. You think the only tools “real men” need are duck tape and caulk, and you have successful repair projects to prove it. You’ve tried to quote Jeff Foxworthy [...]
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