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News headlines 02

Tue, 29 Mar 2011 16:22:07 +0000

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Eye Drops off Shelf Teacher Strikes Idle Kids British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66 Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

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News headlines 01

Fri, 18 Mar 2011 19:36:01 +0000

Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees Farmer Bill Dies in House Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Iraqi Head Seeks Arms Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

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Why ask why 06

Tue, 08 Mar 2011 17:07:59 +0000

Would a fly without wings be called a walk? Can you be a closet claustrophobic? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink? If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off? Why is the word abbreviation so long? Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked? Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

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Why ask why 05

Thu, 24 Feb 2011 17:12:42 +0000

Is it possible to be totally partial? What’s another word for thesaurus? What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants? Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites? If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny? If you’re cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? What’s another word for thesaurus? Why do steam irons have a permanent press setting? If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

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Why ask why 04

Mon, 14 Feb 2011 19:24:51 +0000

Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container? If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty liter? When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one? What was the best thing before sliced bread? If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from? If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success? Does fuzzy logic tickle? “Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.” When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

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Why ask why 03

Thu, 03 Feb 2011 20:43:43 +0000

How did a fool and his money get together? Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections? If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them? Why is abbreviation such a long word? What do they use to ship styrofoam? Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

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Why ask why 02

Mon, 24 Jan 2011 15:19:36 +0000

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? You know how most packages say “Open here”. What is the protocol if the package says, “Open somewhere else”? Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance? Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?

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Why ask why 01

Thu, 13 Jan 2011 17:19:54 +0000

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen? If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? If nothing ever sticks to teflon, how do they make teflon stick to the pan? If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

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I get no respect 06

Mon, 03 Jan 2011 13:59:58 +0000

“My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah..my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.” “My friends and I played a new version of Russian roulette. We passed around six girls and one of them had VD.” “I went to see my doctor… Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah…I told him once… Doctor…every morning when I get up and look in the mirror..I feel like throwing up; what’s wrong with me? He said..I don’t know but your eyesight is perfect” “I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.” “I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown necktie.” “My dentist has bad breath……Why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.” “My psychiatrist told me I’m going crazy. I told him…If you don’t mind I’d like a second opinion…he said… Alright…you’re ugly too!” “I was so ugly…my mother used to feed me with a sling shot!”

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I get no respect 05

Thu, 23 Dec 2010 16:29:56 +0000

“I knew a girl that was so ugly that… She was known as a two bagger. That’s when a girl is so ugly that you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks” “I knew a girl that was so ugly that… I bent down to pet her cat only to find that it was the hair on her legs.” “I knew a girl that was so ugly that… I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.” “I knew a girl that was so ugly that… I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.” “I knew a girl that was so ugly that… She looks like she came in second in a hatchet fight!” “I knew a girl that was so ugly that… The last time I saw a mouth like hers it had a hook on the end of it.” I knew a girl that was so ugly that… She has a face like a saint–A saint bernard!” “One day…as I came home early from work…I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy…Hey buddy…why are you doing that for? He said..Because you came home early.”

I get no respect 05 is a post from: Daily Joke Blog