Daily Joke Blog » Medical Jokes

Curing a Cough

Tue, 29 Mar 2011 14:45:28 +0000

The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what’s up. “He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn’t find the cough syrup,” the clerk explains. “So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once.” “Laxatives won’t cure a cough, you idiot,” the owner shouts angrily. “Sure it will,” the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. “Look at him. He’s afraid to cough.”

Curing a Cough is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Psychiatric Hotline

Thu, 17 Mar 2011 18:55:32 +0000

Recording – “Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.” If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.

Psychiatric Hotline is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Good and Bad News

Tue, 08 Mar 2011 15:02:34 +0000

An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: “I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?” Patient: “Well, give me the bad news first.” Doctor: “You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.” Patient: “Oh no! That’s awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this??” Doctor: “You also have Alzheimer’s. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.”

Good and Bad News is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

An Orgasmic Problem

Wed, 23 Feb 2011 14:57:06 +0000

A woman went in to see a therapist and said, “I’ve got a big problem, doctor. Every time we’re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out an outrageous yell.” “My dear,” the doctor said, “that’s completely natural. I don’t see what the problem is.” “The problem is,” she complained, “he keeps waking me up!”

An Orgasmic Problem is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Pretty Bad News

Mon, 14 Feb 2011 16:42:50 +0000

Doctor: Well, I have good news and bad news. Patient: Go with the good news first. Doctor: You have 24 hours to live. Patient: What?! How about the bad news? Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday.Pretty Bad News is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Pretty Bad News is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Breast Enlargement

Wed, 02 Feb 2011 15:24:27 +0000

A woman says to her husband that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, “Hey, you don’t need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery.” She asks, “How do I do it without surgery?” Her husband answers, “Just rub toilet paper between them.” “How does that make them bigger?”, she asks. “I don’t know, but it certainly worked for your ass.”

Breast Enlargement is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Bad News

Mon, 24 Jan 2011 20:01:28 +0000

A secretary walked into her boss’s office & said, “I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you.” “Why do you always have to give me bad news?” he complained. “Tell me some good news for once.” “Alright, here’s some good news,” said the secretary. “You’re not sterile.”Bad News is a post from: Daily Joke [...]

Bad News is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Circumcision

Wed, 12 Jan 2011 13:55:54 +0000

Two five year old boys are sitting in a hospital waiting room. One leans over to the other and says, “What are you in here for?” The other says, “Circumcision.” The first boy says “Oh, man! I had that done right after I was born. I couldn’t walk for a year!”Circumcision is a post from: [...]

Circumcision is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Beautiful

Mon, 03 Jan 2011 18:58:01 +0000

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was dissappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’?” His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”

Beautiful is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Cremate Me

Wed, 22 Dec 2010 21:04:14 +0000

A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, “Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.” “And what,” his friend asked, “do you want me to do with your ashes?” The businessman said, “Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, “Now you have everything.”

Cremate Me is a post from: Daily Joke Blog