Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in wet cement?A: Not enough cement.Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called “Divorced Barbie”? A: Yeah, it comes with half of Ken’s things and alimony. Q: What’s the problem with lawyer jokes? A: Lawyer’s don’t think they’re [...]
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there? A: Just two, all the rest are true. Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline. Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can’t [...]
Q. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A. A vampire only sucks blood at night. Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? A: One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish. Q. How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb? [...]
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? A: Cut the rope. Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? A: Take your foot off his head. Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer? A: No? Good! Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket [...]
Lawyer: “Judge, I wish to appeal my client’s case on the basis of newly discovered evidence.” Judge: “And what is the nature of the new evidence?” Lawyer: “Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left.”
A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend. In his grief, one of the three said, “In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they’ll have something to spend over there.” They all agreed that [...]
After his graduation from college, the son of a Spanish lawyer was considering his future. He went to his father and asked if he might be given a desk in the corner from which he could observe his father’s activities and be introduced to his father’s clients as a clerk. His observations would help him [...]
A lawyer was filling out a job application when he came to the question: “Have you ever been arrested?” He answered no to the question. The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding question with a yes, was “why?” Nevertheless, the lawyer answered it “Never got caught.”
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with “How much is two plus two?” The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before [...]
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer’s club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape. “It ain’t so bad,” one crook noted. “We got $25 between us.” The boss screamed: “I warned you to stay clear of lawyers–we [...]
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