One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe, no-nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair, unaware that its rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform. “Will you state your name?” asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair she opened her [...]
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: “A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?” After a very [...]
NO ZAMBODIANS, PLEASE: Judge Rules Out Prince Mongo’s Costume MEMPHIS, Tenn. – A judge has ruled that a defendant can’t show up for trial wearing fur, bones, goggles and pale green body paint, even if he is from the planet Zambodia. But an attorney for the man who calls himself Prince Mongo wants to make [...]
How to Argue Effectively I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow [...]
How to Argue Effectively I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow [...]
Q: What do you get if you put 100 lawyers in your basement? A: A whine cellar. Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad? A: Your honor. Q: What do you call a judge gone bad? A: Senator. Q: Have you heard about the lawyers? word processor? A: No matter what font you [...]
Q: How can you tell a lawyer is lying? A: Other lawyers look interested. Q: Why should lawyers wear lots of sunscreen when vacationing at a beach resort? A: Because they’re used to doing all of their lying indoors. Q: What happened to the banker who went to law school? A: Now she’s a loan [...]
Q: How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? A: Never enough. Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: How many can you afford? Q: Did you hear about the new microwave lawyer? A: You spend eight minutes in his office and get billed as if you’d [...]
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? A: Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer points. Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist. Q: What’s the difference between a bankrupt attorney and a pigeon? A: The pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes. [...]
Q: When attorneys die, why do they bury them 600 feet underground? A: Because deep down, they’re really nice guys. Q: If you drop a snake and an attorney off the Empire State Building, which one hits first? A: Who cares? Q: How can you tell the difference between a dead skunk and a dead [...]
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