Daily Joke Blog » Lawyer Jokes

Offer legal advice

Mon, 28 Mar 2011 20:10:27 +0000

Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant. The judge ordered Taylor, “You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can.” After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone. When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, “You asked me to give him good advice. I found out that he was guilty, so I told him to split.”

Offer legal advice is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Give him an orange

Thu, 17 Mar 2011 19:01:52 +0000

One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, “Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?” The student replied, “Here’s an orange.” The professor was livid. “No! No! Think like a lawyer!” The student then recited, “Okay, I’d tell him, ‘I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, calm and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding…”

Give him an orange is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Tell the whole truth

Mon, 07 Mar 2011 15:56:58 +0000

Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense. “You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?” The client replied that he did. Then lawyer then asked, “Do you know what will happen if you don’t tell the truth?” The client looked back and said, “I imagine that our side will win.”

Tell the whole truth is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Short legal laughs

Wed, 23 Feb 2011 20:41:14 +0000

What are the three questions most commonly asked by lawyers? 1. How much money do you have? 2. Where can you get more? 3. Do you have anything you can sell?

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there? A: Only three. The balance are documented case histories.

There’s an interesting new novel about two ex-convicts. One of them studies to become a lawyer, the other decides to go straight.

Lawyers are safe from the threat of automation taking over their professions. No one would build a robot to do nothing.

Short legal laughs is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Newest horror movie

Fri, 11 Feb 2011 18:56:08 +0000

Have you seen the current remake of the movie “Cape Fear?” It’s about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer. The question is, while watching the movie, for whom do you root?Newest horror movie is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Newest horror movie is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Steal from lawyers

Wed, 02 Feb 2011 16:28:40 +0000

Jack and Mugs, two second-story men from Flatbush, were comparing notes on recent burglaries. “Didja get anything on that last heist?” Jack asked. “Nuttin’ at all,” Mugs admitted. “Toins out that the guy that lives there’s a lawyer.” “Jeez, ain’t that the breaks,” his friend sympathized. “Didja lose anything?”Steal from lawyers is a post from: [...]

Steal from lawyers is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Seashore with family

Fri, 21 Jan 2011 15:40:17 +0000

A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family. Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and fainted. “Darling, it was just a shark,” assured his wife when he came to. “You’ve got to stop imagining that there are lawyers everywhere.”Seashore with family is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Seashore with family is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Get away with murder

Wed, 12 Jan 2011 19:12:43 +0000

Two prisoners are talking about their crimes: George: “I robbed a bank, and they gave me 20 years” Herman: “Hmm. I killed a man, and I’m here for 3 days” George: “*WHAT*??? I rob a bank and get 20 years; you kill a man and get 3 days???” Herman: “Yeah, it was a lawyer.”Get away [...]

Get away with murder is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Tell the whole truth

Fri, 31 Dec 2010 15:48:32 +0000

“You seem to be in some distress,” said the kindly judge to the witness. “Is anything the matter?” “Well, your Honor,” said the witness, “I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects.”Tell the whole truth is a post from: Daily Joke [...]

Tell the whole truth is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Who handles cases?

Wed, 22 Dec 2010 14:16:19 +0000

Nugent needed legal advice, so he walked into the office of Gregory, Ellis and Gregory. Nugent sat down at the desk of the senior member of the firm. “If you’re not really in bad trouble, I’ll take the case,” said Gregory. “If you’re in a real jam and want to get out of it, my partner will handle it. If, on the other hand, you’re not involved and want to get in trouble, my son, who just graduated from law school, will take it!”

Who handles cases? is a post from: Daily Joke Blog