Jones: “The chinese make it an invariable rule to settle all their debts on New Year’s Day.” Smith: “So I understand, but, then again, the Chinese don’t have a Christmas the week before!”
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Category Archives: Holiday Jokes
You Need to Join the Lord’s Army
August 17, 2010 – 8:25 am
Jack was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. The preacher grabbed Jack by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, ‘You need to join the Army of the Lord!’ Jack replied, ‘I’m [...]
The Shopping Criminal
August 5, 2010 – 7:24 am
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,”What are you charged with?” “Doing my Christmas shopping early”, replied the defendant. “That’s no offense”, said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?” “Before the store opened.”
The Australian Christmas
July 27, 2010 – 9:20 am
Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Sweating his fat away Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Water-skis on his sleigh Never have a white Christmas When you in Melbourne live Wearing hot pants on the beach When you your presents give Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Sweating his [...]
The Twelve Days of Windows 95
July 15, 2010 – 7:19 am
On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . . Windows 95 for my PC On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . . 2 GPFs and Windows 95 for my PC On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me [...]
Rating your Christmas parties
July 6, 2010 – 11:11 am
If you threw a party, the worst thing you could have done was throw the kind of party where your guests, the next day, call you up to say they had a nice time. Now you’ll be expected to throw another great party next year. What you should have done was throw the kind of [...]
The politically correct Christmas
June 24, 2010 – 10:51 am
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me: TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in [...]
The FAA Inspection
June 15, 2010 – 10:48 am
With the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus’s sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve. The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good, he checks the harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and [...]
I want to see something really cheap
June 3, 2010 – 7:47 am
After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. “How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. “That’s a bit much,” said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. “Thats [...]
The Police Officer’s Christmas
May 25, 2010 – 7:58 am
Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the substation, Not a deputy stirred, they were all on vacation. The stockings were hung on the wall with great care, Next to some T-shirts and old underwear. I was working the night shift compiling stats, Answering the phone, and feeding the rat. When all of a sudden [...]
