Daily Joke Blog » Ethnic Jokes

Italian Expreience

Thu, 24 Mar 2011 16:11:26 +0000

Italian New York Hotel Experience….. One day ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina Morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand . I wanna to piss onna my plate. She say you better not piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don’t even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch. Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tell her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch. I don’t even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch. So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. Call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit on my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch. I don’t even know the man and he call me sonna ma bitch. I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: “Peace on you”. I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch, I gonna back to Italy.

Italian Expreience is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Remember the Alamo

Tue, 15 Mar 2011 18:32:28 +0000

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says, “We’re having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive” The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers “God Save The Queen” and jumps. The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers “Viva La France” and he also jumps. This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers “Remember the Alamo” and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

Remember the Alamo is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

English new suits

Thu, 03 Mar 2011 15:01:09 +0000

Two English men are walking along O’Connell Street in Ireland when they see a sign in a shop window. Suits $15.00, shirts $2.00, trousers $2.50. One said to the other one, “Look at that. We could buy a lot of that gear and resell it when we get back to England. We could make a fortune! When we go into the shop don’t say anything, let me do all the talking, cause if they hear our accent they might not serve us, so I’ll speak in my best Irish accent.” They go in and he orders, 50 suits at $15.00, 100 shirts at $2.00 and 50 trousers at $2.50. The owner of the shop asks, “You’re English aren’t you?” The Englishman replies, “Oh bother… Yes, how the hell did you know that?” The owner says, “This is a dry cleaners…”

English new suits is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

English new suits

Mon, 21 Feb 2011 17:59:10 +0000

Two English men are walking along O’Connell Street in Ireland when they see a sign in a shop window. Suits £15.00, shirts £2.00, trousers £2.50. One said to the other one, “Look at that. We could buy a lot of that gear and resell it when we get back to England. We could make a fortune! When we go into the shop don’t say anything, let me do all the talking, cause if they hear our accent they might not serve us, so I’ll speak in my best Irish accent.” They go in and he orders, 50 suits at £15.00, 100 shirts at £2.00 and 50 trousers at £2.50. The owner of the shop asks, “You’re English aren’t you?” The Englishman replies, “Oh bother… Yes, how the hell did you know that?” The owner says, “This is a dry cleaners…”

English new suits is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Arab and an Israeli

Wed, 09 Feb 2011 15:17:58 +0000

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff a fat, little Israeli guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, “I think I’ll go up and get a coke.” “No problem,” said the Israeli. “I’ll get it for you.” While he was gone, the Arab picked up the Israeli’s shoe and spit in it. When the Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, “That looks good. I think I’ll have one too.” Again, the Israeli obligingly went to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab other picked up the other shoe and spit in it. The Israeli returned with the coke, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York. As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. “How long must this go on?” he asked. “This enmity between our peoples….. this hatred… this animosity… this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?”

Arab and an Israeli is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Natchitoches

Mon, 31 Jan 2011 15:01:26 +0000

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are… very slowly? The blonde guy leaned over the counter and said, “Burrrrrr-gerrrrr Kiiinnnggg.”

Natchitoches is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Who gets the Egg

Wed, 19 Jan 2011 17:10:37 +0000

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen’s eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman’s garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property. They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, “In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up; whoever gets up quicker wins the egg.” The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and kicked him as hard as he could in the balls. The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his nuts, howling in agony for 30 minutes. Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, “Now it’s my turn to kick you.” The Scotsman said, “Keep the damn egg.”

Who gets the Egg is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

I not come work

Mon, 10 Jan 2011 11:41:27 +0000

Kung Chow called his boss and said: “Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache, leg hurt, I not come work.” The boss says: “Kung Chow I really need you today. When I feel sick like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that.” Two hours later Kung Chow calls again: “Boss, I do what you say and I feel great, I be at work soon. You got nice house.

I not come work is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

3 men in Saudi

Wed, 29 Dec 2010 13:57:08 +0000

An American, a Dutchman and a Frenchman are in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. Then Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia. For the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished. The extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each with a whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: “It’s my first wife’s birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping.” The Dutchman was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: “Please tie a pillow to my back.” This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain. The Frenchman was next up. After watching the Dutchman in horror he said smugly: “Please fix two pillows to my back.” But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly. The American was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: “You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!” “Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness,” the American replied. “In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.” “Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave.” The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. “If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?” the Sheikh asked. The American replied: “Tie the Frenchman to my back.”

3 men in Saudi is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Onestone

Mon, 20 Dec 2010 17:58:07 +0000

There once was an Indian whose given name was “Onestone,” so named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone to not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, “If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!” The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day, a young girl named Blue Bird forgot and said, “Good morning, Onestone.” He jumped up, grabbed her, and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant serious business. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird’s cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, “Good to see you, Onestone.” Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he screwed her all day, screwed her all night, screwed her all the next day, screwed her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn’t die!!! What is the moral of this story??? You can’t kill two birds with one stone!

Onestone is a post from: Daily Joke Blog