• My sister opened a computer store in Hawaii. – She sells C Shells by the seashore. Q: What does a proud computer call his little son? A: A microchip off the old block. Q: What happens if you cross a midget and a computer? A: You get a short circuit.
SYSTEM CRASH (to the tune of “The Monster Mash”) I was working in the lab, late one night When my eyes beheld an eerie sight, Some smoke from our VAX began to rise And suddenly, to my surprise… [chorus](There was a crash) There was a system crash(A mighty crash) I heard the disk heads smash(A [...]
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR (The Times of London) Dear Sir, I am firmly opposed to the spread of microchips either to the home or to the office, We have more than enough of them foisted upon us in public places. They are a disgusting Americanism, and can only result in the farmers being forced to [...]
From “Machine Design” Magazine. …..Byte Bat All too often, computers aren’t up when you need them, or some sort of system error costs you a lot of time and effort. Hitting a computer or terminal with anything substantial can be satisfying, but expensive. That’s where the Byte Bat comes in. It is a foam rubber [...]
The checkout line at the hardware store was getting longer and longer as the clerk labored to get the new cash register to cooperate. At one point she wailed “Oh no, NOW what do I do ? It just rang up sixty-four thousand, five hundred seventy four dollars in sales tax on a ten-dollar sale!” [...]
Microsoft Trademarks the Trademark Symbol By Vince Sabio HumourNet Communications, Ltd. REDMOND, Wash (UPI) – Software and marketing giant Microsoft Corporation (MSFT) announced today that it has purchased the rights to the well-known “trademark” symbol, formerly denoted as “tm” in most print media. The symbol is commonly used to identify commercial product names that have [...]
Newsflash Microsoft today announced that it will be changing its name to “Moft” — which will clear up space on user’s hard disks. It is estimated that a typical Windows 95 installation contains about 2,800,000 copies of the word “Microsoft”, in copyright notices, end-user licence agreements, ‘About’ screens, etc. So, after the change, a user [...]
Solitaire ’99 Here is the README.TXT file from Microsoft’s latest software product. Microsoft Solitaire ’98 README file, v4.3 Welcome! Congratulations! Welcome to the wonderful world of Microsoft Solitaire ’98! This classic game has been a Windows fixture for many years, and after a long period of development, we are pleased to announce that it has [...]
If Microsoft Ran The IRS “Government should be run like a business.” We’ve all heard that chestnut. Here is how the Internal Revenue Service (nobody’s favorite government agency) would be like, if only it were run like Microsoft Corp. (a successful private enterprise). – The IRS, as always, announces new tax forms will be mailed [...]
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