Daily Joke Blog » Animal Jokes

My Goldfish Died :(

Fri, 08 Apr 2011 21:56:07 +0000

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “What are you doing there, Nancy?” “My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbour was very concerned. “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?” Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your cat.”

My Goldfish Died :( is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Cross-Eyed Dog

Thu, 27 Jan 2011 16:28:31 +0000

A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, “My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for it?” “Well,” said the vet “let’s have a look at him” The vet picks the dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes. “Well,” says the vet “I’m going to have to put him down.” “Just because he’s cross-eyed?” say’s the man. “No, because he’s heavy,” says the vet.

Cross-Eyed Dog is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Camel Questions

Mon, 17 Jan 2011 13:59:04 +0000

The little camel went to his mother and asked, “Mother, why do we camels have such big eyes?” She looked on him lovingly and replied, “You see, my son, when we are walking in the dessert and the wind starts to blowing and there’s sand everywhere, we need these big eyes to keep an eye on one another so that we don’t get lost.” “Oh!” he said. “And why do we have such huge feet? “Well,” she said, “they allow us to walk easily in the dessert sands and help us avoid sinking into the dunes.” “Wow,” he said, “great equipment. What the heck is this stuff on our backs for?” “You see,” his mother informed, “we can walk for days, even weeks without food or water, so we use it to store fat during those times. But why do you ask me all these obvious questions?” “Well, mother,” said the young camel, “I was just wondering, if we’ve got all of this great stuff, what are we doing in the zoo?”

Camel Questions is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

A snake’s new glasses

Thu, 06 Jan 2011 18:01:34 +0000

A old snake goes to see his Doctor. “Doc, I need something for my eyes…can’t see well these days”. The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he’s very depressed. Doc says, “What’s the problem…didn’t the glasses help you?” “The glasses are fine doc, I just discovered I’ve been living with a water hose the past 2 years!”

A snake’s new glasses is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

A Dog’s Duty

Mon, 27 Dec 2010 14:55:49 +0000

A nursery school teacher was taking a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children began discussing the dog’s duties. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster. “No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.” A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant

A Dog’s Duty is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Question and answer

Thu, 16 Dec 2010 15:19:57 +0000

Q: What has four legs and an arm? A: A happy pit bull.Question and answer is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Question and answer is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

mmmmmmoooooooo

Mon, 06 Dec 2010 17:18:41 +0000

knock knock whos there interupting cow interup–mmmoooommmmmmoooooooo is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

mmmmmmoooooooo is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

The Telegram

Thu, 25 Nov 2010 17:59:48 +0000

A German Shepherd went to a Western Union telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.” The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, “There are only nine words here. You could send another “Woof” for the same price.” “But,” the dog replied, “That would make no sense at all.”

The Telegram is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

The Diagnosis

Mon, 15 Nov 2010 16:57:47 +0000

A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man is clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, and demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat, and puts the cat down next to the dog’s body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog’s body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too.” The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a Black Labrador. The Lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too.” The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, “$550.” “$550 to tell me my dog is dead?” exclaimed the man! “Well,” the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $500 was for the cat scan and lab tests.”

The Diagnosis is a post from: Daily Joke Blog

Busy Bulls

Thu, 04 Nov 2010 18:55:48 +0000

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 50 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him.” They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 65 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also.” They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: “This bull mated 365 times last year.” The wife’s mouth drops open and says, “WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one.” The man turns to his wife and says, “Go up and see if it was 365 times with the same cow.”

Busy Bulls is a post from: Daily Joke Blog